What's Going On Here?

There are SO MANY wonderful book review blogs out there and I can't compete with them, that is for sure. So this is not a book review blog. This is just a way for me to organize what I have read so that I can be better at matching the right book to the right person. The blog title comes from the brilliant mind of the most talented woman who ever lived, Ms. Judy Garland. The full quote is, "Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of someone else." That is what I hope to do here and in ever aspect of my life.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Death Bed Confessions

It wasn't a death bed confession as would be commonly defined.  She wasn't telling me about something that she had done.  I don't think I would have believed her if she did.  She didn't have an ounce of deceit or malice in her.  I swear, she was just a really good, solid, caring, faithful person.  I'm not just saying that because she was my best buddy.  Ask anyone about her, her husband, her kids, brothers, sisters, friends who knew her from long ago, co-workers.  She was just a really good, good person who tried her best to live as Christ wanted her to, every day of her life.
It also wasn't a traditional death bed confession because she wasn't in bed, we were sitting on her couch.  And she wouldn't die for another few days, after a long and brave battle with cancer.  It was the last time I would see her though.  It was her last day of clear thought.
I was about to leave, I'd gotten up off the couch, we'd just finished watching a movie and talking, as was our tradition.  I was headed out of town and said that I would see her when I returned from my business trip.  Sadly, she went Home before I got back.  She asked me to stay just another minute and motioned for me to sit back down.  She said, "I have to tell you something."
And then it began.  She told me a not-so-shocking (knowing the person about whom she was speaking) but still, very upsetting series of stories.
We had this mutual "friend" well, she was more my friend than hers.  She had always been seen as kind of snob by a lot of our gang but I was always defending her, saying ah, "A's not so bad, really, you just have to get to know her."
There was a lot of eye-rolling, but people got used to her.  A and I were very close, good friends.  But my other close friends always warned me about her.
"Don't you think it is weird how she says she done all of these things...worked in a bank, taught school, had a foster kid, on and on...but none of the time lines match up?  Her stories change and change.  No one else her family ever talks about this mysterious foster kid or the times she worked here or there?"
"Why would a married woman, so much older than you borrow money off of you?  You're a college kid!"
Little things like that.  No big deal though, really.
Our friendship broke up eventually.  I got an email saying that she needed to "regroup" after 9-11 and somehow, she had made the whole thing about her, which was very odd, but we all dealt with that horrible tragedy in our own way.  Well, now wait a minute...as I recall she also made the assassination of JFK about her, too.  That's right.  And I remember whenever friends of hers or ours died it usually resulted in a lot of crying...but there was something just a bit off about the crying.
"Why couldn't it have been me!" "Why must I live!"  Yeah.  That's a little off.
Anyway, I got that email from her saying that she couldn't "be my friend anymore"  (really?  Are we in middle school?) and she signed it, "God bless you and our country."
I was pretty upset.  It was totally out of the blue, and she still owed me cash! But then I thought back on our friendship and I remembered that over the years she'd done that to a lot of other people and whined to me about them.  "I just had to break off with her!  She was tearing me down!"  Keep in mind here, this woman was in her 50s.  We aren't talking a 7th grader here.
But back to my BBF's confession.  After my BBF told what A had done to her, I was furious.  A had hurt her badly, but she had never told me, until that day.  A few days later when my BBF passed away I was full of sadness for my own loss and thoughts of A went away.
Now it is coming up on the sixth year anniversary of my BBF's passing.  I see A from time to time in her car, around town (we live in a pretty small town) and I want so badly to say something to her.  To tell her that I know what she did that summer...no, it was winter, but you get the idea.  She still walks around like a bit of a snob.  I am sure she still connecting Hurricane Katrina, the economy's collapse, and Casey Anthony to herself.  That's just the way she is.
Do I just let it go?  Why am I even thinking about it now?  All these years later.  Well, for one, I see A around much more lately, but we've never spoken and two, the anniversary of my BBF's journey home is coming up.  Maybe I should just forget it.  But there's this really mean part of me that wants to confront A.  To tell her that I know the kind of person that she really is.  But then again, who among us is without sin?  I am just not sure...but I knew I had to get this off my chest.
Thanks for listening.

No comments:

Post a Comment