Tragedy

I would imagine that it must have been hard for Dave Cullen to write Columbine.  This is an extraordinary well written book and an example of some serious research that must have buried Cullen in deep with the horror of the Columbine shootings.  It was highly recommended to me by two of my very dear friends and I listened to it this week.
It must have been hard for Cullen to tell the real story behind She Said Yes:  the Unlikely Martyrdom of Cassie Bernall.  And then when I read Cullen's goodreads review of She Said Yes, I was even more impressed with his professionalism, his honesty and his heart.  I so look forward to his next book, which comes out next year.
Eric Harris has been called a sociopath, and even from the very average book, The Sociopath Next Door, I could see that being true.
I did feel ashamed and guilty about my own gawking trip to Columbine High School last week, after reading the book and reading about how the kids were subjected to tour buses that would come and people would get off the bus and take pictures and I wonder why.  Why I did this?  Why these people did this?  I read I Crawl Through It last month and in the book, the parents of one of the main characters visit sites where horrible things like what happened here happened.  And the reason that they do is because they have lost a child.  And there is something that makes them feel better about being in the places where others have experienced a similar loss and grieving for them and with them and about their own loss.  And I have never lost a child directly but I have lost and hurt and grieved, but not like those who have lost a child have.  So I don't really have an excuse that can assuage my guilt, and that is probably right.  I just have to live with that, and not do it again.  And pray for and think of those who have.